Your Quality Time Is Worth More Than Your Gifts

I was the grandmother who thought in order to show my love, I needed to pay for everything my grandchildren wanted—no matter the cost. If one of my grandchildren asked for something, I wanted to be the one who paid for it whether they needed it (or not), their parents had the space for it (or not), or if someone asked me to buy it for them. It made me feel needed when I spent money on my grandchildren. 

And then my husband died, and I continued to pay for things even when I could no longer afford to do so. I even had to cut my own expenses to pay for some of these extra gifts. But, I had this unrealistic expectation that grandparents, and me specifically, always paid for things their grandchildren wanted. 

According to AARP’s 2018 Grandparents Today National Survey, I’m not the only one. “Grandparents spend an average of $2,652 on each of their grandchildren annually” for a total of $179 billion a year. Like me, the average grandparent has four to five grandchildren, so that is nearly $10,000 a year spent on them. The biggest expense, according to the survey, is gifts, which accounts for 86% of the money spent on individual grandchildren, followed by vacations (26%), and college expenses (21%). 

But are our priorities correct? Do we really need to spend most of our discretionary money on more gifts? After buying the twins yet another stuffed animal, my daughter told me that my time with her kids was more important and more valued than the toys and things I bought them. 

This conversation made me start rethinking my priorities.

I took her words personally. Time with my grandchildren is more important than the dollars I spend on them. She didn’t expect me to be a bank with unlimited free money. Instead, the kids needed a love conservatory filled with unconditional love and a support network. 

So, I started thinking of ways to create memories instead of storage problems. Your grandchildren, like mine, want US and not a random toy we picked up because we thought it was cute. Plus, where are they going to put that giant stuffed bear you just had to buy? It was time to invest my time in my grandchildren.

I came up with a list of a dozen-and-one free activities you can do with your grandchildren to show them that you love them. Plus, your children and stepchildren will love these activities because it gives them some free time.

1.     Sit on the floor and play with your grandchildren. Be present and listen to them. You’ll be amazed where their imaginations will take you. The parents can do what they need to do for their family while you’re playing.

2.     Babysit for a couple of hours, so their parents have a break—a night out, a nap, a trip to the grocery store, anything they want or need. If you have the ability, invite them overnight for an even more special time with you, and a larger break for the parent(s).

3.     Take your grandchildren to the library and select new books to take home and enjoy together. If you don’t have a library card, most libraries will let you get one on the spot and will allow you to check out multiple books at once. The great thing about this activity is that you can do it on a regular basis. You must return the books, so you’ll have to go back another time. Also, some libraries have discovery areas that you can sign up for with no charge. It’s a cool place to sit and watch your grandchildren explore.

4.     Go to the park and let them run around in the fresh air. There may even be a public playground in their neighborhood that you can walk to. Kids need to be out of the house and have unstructured play time, and so do you.

5.     Go for a walk. Sometimes all a parent needs is 30 minutes to get the laundry folded or to take a shower. You can take your grandchildren for a walk to get them out of the house and get you some exercise. A walk around the block can be an adventure for everyone. 

6.     Bake cookies together or teach your grandchildren how to make your favorite recipe. Cook a meal together for the entire family. Providing a homemade meal for your children made by their children benefits everyone.

7.     Create your favorite craft to give as gifts. There are many easy-to-make, inexpensive crafts you can make together. Check Google for ideas. One place I discovered is 40 Fun Crafts for Kids That Are Easy to Make All Season Long by Better Homes and Gardens.

8.     Have a photo shoot with your grandchildren. Give them your phone to take photos of you for your Facebook and Instagram page. Take silly selfies. Do a fashion show. Always check with the parents before you post photos of their children on social media.

9.     Go to local festivals or farmers markets. Starting in the spring and running through the fall, you can find many free events nearly every weekend. Check your town’s social media or local newspaper for ideas.

10.  Take your grandchildren to practice or to birthday parties. Once you have them in the car, even teenagers will start sharing what’s happening in their lives. Plus, you get to watch them participate in one of their favorite activities and meet their friends.

11.  Play games with your grandchildren—and yes, even video games. You will lose, but isn’t that part of the fun? Plus, it’s an easy way to teach good sportsmanship. My grandsons taught me how to play Pokémon this summer. Even though I lost, I learned about the characters and why the game was so interesting to them. 

12.  Host overnight camp at your place. Invite your grandchildren to your house for a weekend or a week. Or stay at their house while their parents run away. In a future blog, I’ll share ideas on hosting Grandparent Camp.

13.  Teach them one of your favorite hobbies. Ask them to help you with a current project by helping you select materials. Sing songs together. Let them explore your musical instrument—it may inspire them to try something new.

As you can see, there is a lot you can do that doesn’t cost money. Time and making memories are what your grandchildren will remember—not the trinket you bought because you felt you needed to bring yet another gift to their house. Invest more time with the ones you love the most. 

Do you have a favorite free activity that you do with your grandchild? Email it to me, so I can share it with everyone else in a future blog. You can be a grandparent influencer.

Next month, I’ll talk more about how to make memories when you live hundreds of miles away from your grandchildren and can’t see them regularly. Thank you for reading my blog. If you have a question or have a topic you would like to read about in a future issue, contact me at JulieSandersWriter@gmail.com.